The first time I have ever drank was my sophomore year in high school i drank socially not really to get wasted but just to hangout. It was never much fun though because I had aspirations to play basketball in college and was worried about getting in trouble and ruining those chances. I did it occasionally having a girlfriend and other friends who enjoyed it I also enjoyed doing it too at times. The first place I ever drank at was an older kids house after one of my high school basketball games on a Friday night. I wasn’t peer pressured into it i wanted to drink but knew that I had to drink responsibly because I didn’t want my parents finding out about it and also i wanted to stay out of trouble, 1 can’t really tell you how much I drank that night but I can tell you that I drank enough to realize that I was drunk. I learned the next day for the first time what it felt like to have a hangover and did everything I could to hide it from my parents in fear of getting in trouble. I never drank during the week in high school because I usually had practice and for a couple years I was playing basketball 11 months out of the year so I never really had much free time to do what I wanted or to go out and drink.
Occasionally I would go out with friends and continue to drink but things were never out of control where I felt like 1 need to drink during the week or was upset about not being able to drink on the weekends. As I got older the amount of times I drank increased but not by much, once I became a senior in high school I no longer played basketball for 11 months out of the year because I had committed to play basketball at uncc, and no longer played basketball over the summer. That being said the pressure was even higher for me being committed to the school in fear of losing what I had worked so hard for, But with more time on my hands now it gave me more time to finally be able to relax and hangout with my girlfriend and people that I had to sacrifice my time with when I was working to get to where I wanted to be. The next time I noticed an increase in drinking was probably when my girlfriend and I broke up last summer. I never felt that I had to start the day off drinking or that it was the only way to feel better about my situation, I was heart broken and when I would go out 1 noticed that I drank more not really admitting to myself or anyone else that I was drink in more probably because of her. In college I didn’t drink any more or less than I did in high school and with us practicing all the time we never really had time to go out but on occasion we did. The night I got arrested I had been drinking throughout the day with my teammates before a football game that we were going to watch we ubered to the game and ubered back.
We went to a party later that night continuing to drink as we had done other times in the past. I got an uber home from the party and my teammate and some of our friends were stuck at the party and 1 told them that I could come over that it was only just down the street and that it wouldn’t be a problem. Long story short I got pulled over and my life kinda flipped upside down but this time I didn’t notice and increase in my drinking when or if i would even go out. I was actually refraining from drinking for a while told petrified of ever getting in trouble again and afraid of going back to jail and losing everything I have worked so hard for throughout the past 5 or 6 years of my life. I drank maybe once or twice before I left the school and transferred one of the nights being my last night there before I transferred out almost as like a toast to the friends and everyone I would be leaving behind. lve only drank 1 more time since I left that school in the beginning of november and that was maybe a week later when 1 went to my cousins wedding Again nothing crazy just socially drinking with my family.
Since then 1 have not had anything to drink and still to this day have not drank while attending this class. I do not believe that I have a problem with alcohol or that I am an alcoholic I believe that I made a mistake and that I deserve to suffer the consequences of whatever happened and I did I served jail time and I did learn my lesson… never to get behind the wheel of a car after you have been drinking. I do not believe that I will never drink again I would not want to lie to you because I do not feel that I have a problem with it.
I would like to share something with you that I have gone through and by no way do I want you to feel like I am complaining because I do know that there are people out there that have it way worse than I do right now but its kinda a little story about how I changed my life for the better and probably how I managed to make it through all of this without going totally insane and if you would like to share this with the group or other groups later on that is totally fine with me and I would talk to them openly about it if I had to but if it can help people later than it will feel good to know that people can learn from me and hopefully open someones eyes to a different perspective on life.
So as i mentioned earlier I had been in a relationship with a girl for 5 years. I am currently 19 so I was pretty young when I started dating this girl. Never had another real girlfriend in my life thought she was the one honestly thought we were gonna make it together for forever. Well about four years into our relationship when we finally decided on schools to go to I went to my school she went to her school which was about four and a half hours away from each other. For a couple that had been together for five years and never really been away from each other for more than a couple days it hit pretty hard. Hard enough for her to feel that the relationship wasn’t working out so we went on a break about four months later we started talking again and eventually started dating again. It was brought to my attention by her that she had tried a handful of drugs that I would of never expected her to do. Slowly I see a different side of a girl who I thought I new so well. After she told me this I made her promise that she would never do any of these drugs again other than smoking weed and drinking those I was okay with but anything worse than that and we are talking about major addiction.
We actually had a friend go into cardiac arrest and die when we were in high school from taking the same drug she had taken. Anyways we started arguing more and more looking back now seeing how unhealthy this relationship was I should have been out a while ago. Come to find out about 6 months after we had gotten back together she had done cocaine again and did a few other things that were not acceptable for any couple no matter how long you have been dating. Hearing this broke my heart thinking how could she do this, she never loved me, what else has she been lying about. I was depressed I didn’t go looking for alcohol, or drugs, I didn’t leave my room much. So much anger and hate and sadness were inside I was losing my mind. This is where I get to the moral of the story. I felt that if we would of just got back together then everything would be alright, and that was how I always have felt “oh it will be better maybe if I change who I am things will work out between us” but she didn’t want anything to do with it she apologized and said that maybe it was better if we just stopped dating for a while and did our own thing. I didn’t want to give up on her I thought she was the best thing for me and the best thing for what I was trying to do with my life.
I realize to this day that I was co-dependent on her and the relationship we had. So co-dependent that I let her walk all over me hurt me, upset me, lie to me, break my heart all because I was blinded by what I thought was love, by what I thought was normal for relationships. Now please do not get me wrong I loved the girl to death and I still do and honestly there probably isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her but I do realize now that I do not need her in my life to be happy. That me doing everything I could to make her happy was me getting away from who I truly was. I wasn’t doing anything for me but all for her. I had to start doing things to make me happy because if I do not make myself happy I can not expect others to be happy around me. Again I want you to understand that all five years of the relationship was not horrible i had plenty great memories with her but there were a lot of bad ones too that I would hide away and keep bottled up afraid of losing her. My mother is actually the one that brought me out of my depression she said that every day that she is alive she strives to create lasting memories each and every day CREATE LASTING MEMORIES (CLM) that the lasting memories that we create are those that we will remember forever and can help us in our darkest time.
She is also the one that told me “you can not change the past nor predict the future” and that we can only truly control one thing in this world and that is ourself and to live in the present. So after we had that discussion my mom, her boyfriend, my cousin, and I all got CLM tattooed onto our bodies for us to remember each and every day create lasting memories and I can honestly say it has helped me to remember this because I’ve been through a lot lately but no matter how bad your day can seem you cant change it it already happened but you can make the most out of every day. Even if this only helps one person at least I helped someone I hope that while you read this you see how much I changed and I just wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me this place has really helped me to understand and learn a lot about alcohol and drugs and what to do to prevent this from ever happening again.